Tender Tilly

I have read that separation/stranger anxiety usually starts around 6-7
months. Well, our Tilly started this at 4 months.

She no longer allows anyone but Duane and I to old her. Whats strange
is shes NOT a clingy baby in general. She only wants to be held if she
is bounced at the same time on your knee, or for about 15 minutes
following her bottles. The rest of the time shes extremely
independent, unlike Lucas whose snuggley.

If anyone- even people she should somewhat know talks to her, she
laughs and coos and giggles. But, if they try and pick her up, she
screams something terrible, and cries huge crocodile tears until given
back to Duane or me.

Also, she startles easily. If Duane sneezes when he holds her, she
screams and cries. If we laugh loudly when holding her, she screams
and cries. Both of us have soft voices, so its not like we are ear
piercing.

Today, Duane was playing with her, and for the first time, started
speaking fluently in spanish to her. THIS made her scream and cry. She
didn't stop until Duane started speaking english again.

Will she grow out of this??? Is this normal??? My mom said both my
sister and I refused to let anyone else hold us... Lucas, on the other
hand, loves to be held by anyone with a set of arms and a warm smile.

And about cosleeping:

This is how I feel. I don't sleep well when not in the room with the
babies. I sleep better and more rested with them. Their little
inhalations, their sweet scent, the way they touch me (or kick me in
the back!)- really, I feel they are spoiling *me*. Its the best
feeling in the world.

cosleeping, etc

Lucas and Matilda have been in our
room for the past two months (Before we all three slept in the living
room), and they are about to transition out of their cradles and
either to their cribs or our bed. We've already been putting them into
our bed about 4 a.m. when they start wanting their pacifyers every
twenty minutes. Our babies have no problems getting themselves to sleep, or putting
themselves back to sleep. Its all the paci. If they don't have a paci
stuck in their mouths when they begin to rouse in the early a.m., they
start waking up, then they scream for it *which wakes up the other twin*. At this point we aren't willing to do CIO, so its
either climbing out of bed and to the crib every twenty minutes, or,
just letting them into our bed. The crib will also be put in our room.
Either we cosleep in the same room, or we will all share a bed. We use
sleep positioners when they are in the bed with protective bolsters at
their hips to prevent them or us from rolling over.

BTW, anyone who hears we want to cosleep, says "You are going to spoil
them". In what way? My sister coslept with her son until he was 15
months old, and my aunt co-slept with my grandma. Neither were
spoiled, but both confident, secure, independent and very loving
children and adults. I do not feel that meeting their needs spoils them.

I had been letting the twins swing and watch baby
einstein one half hour a day while I prepared dinner.Then I read the
AAP stuff. Now I only let them listen to music choice classical music
or holiday music. But, when *I* watch t.v., Lucas will turn and try to
see it, so I am wondering if I should just keep it on classical music
all day.

What about toys? Right now we have a lot of interactive battery toys,
and I am considering going against all battery toys. I really don't
buy all this "think up" crap. None of the toys I see for young
children seem geared toward imagination. Everything is push a button
and tell type stuff. What happened to lincoln logs and little
people??? Plus, I think if we rely on battery toys, it will mean less
interaction as right now I am down on the floor with them in play
whenever they are playing. I don't want them staring at a screen
playing alone... I want them to be active and outdoorsy like Duane and
I were as children.

My babies are NEVER still. They would NEVER sit and watch their
mobile. Ack! They won't even swing anymore unless they are exhausted.
They hate car seats, they hate strollers. The only way we can shop
with them is in snuglis. We bought an exersaucer, and they are too
small for it so we prop them in with pillows, and they do like this
for twenty minutes. Basically, they are with me all day long. Me
singing to them, showing them toys, etc. The only time I am not
playing with them is when they sleep! I can't even imagine putting
them in daycare, I am certain they would require two daycare workers
constant attention. Both also want to move constantly. Matilda won't
sit on my lap unless she is being bounced up and down constantly.
Lucas wants to snuggle, but he wants you to walk around while you do
it. My mom says I was the same way, that I exhausted her and my father
with movement and action. My twins hate rocking and won't sit on my
lap and be rocked to sleep. :-(

The upside is they are both good at going down for naps and sleep.
They are so exhausted- I lay them down wide awake, and they are out in
ten minutes tops.

I really don't think we created this situation- Duane and I are both
very active, too.

Back to baby einstein... from what I have heard/read, what the AAP
says is that the constant movement and action of childrens television
rewrites the childs brain pathways. Babies are meant to study things
slowly and observe slowly, but childrens television moves too quickly,
so their minds "speed up" to try and adapt to it. This results in less
attention spans.

Well, once I read this I started studying childrens television and I
noted that t.v. does move way too quickly (we need mr. rogers
neighborhood tapes!), and the only thing I have found that moves at a
snails pace *is* baby einstein. I do not feel its going to make me
babies braniacs (nor do I care about that aspect), but Julie does show
them things at a similar pace as I would.

Baby Shakespeare is my favorite. *I* would watch it. I love the poetry
in it, and she has a soothing voice. Plus, this is the ONLY time the
babies will just "swing" if its on. However, we are down to them only
watching t.v. one half an hour every other day- except that I do watch
Spike during the day, so Lucas will crane his head to watch Star Trek.
Atleast the pace is slow???

I swear, when Duane gets home from work on weekdays, I am ready to
collapse. I feel mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. More
now than I did in the first three months.

Differences in personalities

My babies are 16 weeks old!

Here is the difference between Matilda and Lucas in a nutshell...

Last night I had Matilda, and Duane had Lucas. I was bouncing one
knee up and down rather violently, and singing equally loud. Matilda
was thrashing her arms up and down, and whenever I stopped, she
kicked and screamed.

Lucas was reclining on Duanes lap while Duane read a magazine. Lucas
was quietly studying the pages. I looked at him and said "Can we
swap babies yet?" :-P

Matilda and Lucas were lying on the floor together. Matilda stared
at the light fixture above her, squealing and "ooohing". Lucas had
his head turned watching CNN.

Sometimes I worry about how introspective Lucas is, but, he is very
engaging, too. Matilda will get on our laps, lock eyes and squeal.
But, Lucas will make very strong eye contact, wait for pauses in the
conversation and then "talk". He tries so hard and we sit and
say "Oh really? Is that so?" Etc. He also smiles at us more
frequently than Matilda. She would rather smile at things that
please her, and us when WE please her... but, Lucas will smile
everytime you make eye contact with him.

VERY different babies! (And my mom says I was just like her, and
Duanes mom says he was just like Lucas!)

My little sweethearts!

We're at my moms this week.

Lucas and Tilly are currently NOT camera shy at all, and we have been using the
digital camera to capture them smiling. I also have a couple of them
holding hands, which they do sometimes when they are laying together
on one of their play blankies (These were posted in the previous entry).

They have a wonderful routine now- they go to bed at 11:00 and get
up for their first bottles at 7 a.m. After their bottle we play for
45 minutes, then they nap in their swings. They take a longer nap
after their 11 a.m. feeding, and they go to bed at 8 p.m. but we
wake them up for their 11 p.m. bottle (actually we wake them around
10) and put them down for the night. They sleep in our room in
their "soothing motions gliders".

One question- what are opinions on the baby einstein videos? Matilda
sometimes gets bored and I keep thinking there is something we are
missing in the realm of entertainment. Songs, games, and toys seem
to only take her so far, and then shes ready for something new!

We hope to have some family pictures taken through the holidays. :-)

Now, Duane and I both believe in attachment parenting as much as you can do with
multiples and Lucas NEVER cries. If he starts to cry, he is picked up
an consoled instantly. I do not believe in Cry It Out. They are too young for
it anyhow. But, Matilda is allowed to sometimes "cry". I put it in
quotation marks because its really not a cry at all- its like this
weird whining "fake cry" and if you say something to her she cackles
and smiles. She does this really bad around 5 a.m. because she wakes
up bored and has trouble getting herself back to sleep. I am up every
5 minutes for about half an hour handing her a pacifyer which falls
out of her mouth as she drifts off then she wakes up again. I probably
would try and ignore her, but, it wakes up Lucas, who does cry when he
wakes up. (A true cry).

Which brings us to daytime. Basically anytime Matilda is bored, wants a new toy, or is fighting sleep she starts whining. My mom thinks its funny, and will go up to her and in a baby voice whine back, and Matilda will laugh at my mom. But, when she really needs to nap it IS annoying. She just whines until she falls asleep. Like I
said above, if it turns into a true cry, I get her and console her,
then put her back down. But, the little fakey cries when I KNOW she
just needs to nap we ignore. We touch her cheek, hand her a pacy,
but then we walk away. If I did pick her up every time she did the
fakey cries, Lucas would NEVER be held. The first day I was here my
mom actually lectured me that she hoped to goodness I did ignore some
of Matildas antics because she worried that Lucas was left out because
he is so good natured and peaceful.

So, here we are staying at my moms, and its been hard to keep them on their schedules, because my poor sister is very sensitive to Tilly's crying, and picks her up at every whine. And my mother is worried I am picking her up too much. Love "back seat" parents. Hee, hee.

Lucas HATES formula. We will be discussing this with the peditrician on the
5th. He will eat at first when he is hungry, but then he stops and
cries when his stomach makes any sort of gurgling sounds. He is on a
soy formula, and not sure where we go from here as I doubt its a
formula problem. You just feed him through the crying until he his
stomach stops making noises and then he eats well, or, he stops
altogether. Well, he will sip his juice (for his bowels) just fine
even when his stomach makes noises because Lucas loves sweeties. :-)
So, my mom decided Lucas should have juice at every bottle even though
it makes him poop and we only use it to move his bowels when he has
trouble. I let him have juice again to shut my mother up, and he had
a "blow out" and a belly ache afterwards. So, then she agreed that we
were right to limit it, but lamented how sad it was since he loves
juice.

13 weeks old!

These were from around 10 weeks of age:





The babies started sleeping longer stretches at 10 weeks. I cheated
and added rice to their bottles because they only woke up at 3 a.m.
to eat ONE OUNCE and it actually seemed to make them sleep deprived
and irritable until about noon the next day because that extra ounce
laid on their stomachs and they "pooped out" on their 7 a.m.
feedings! Once we added the rice (two tablespoons was all) they now
lay down after their 11 o'clock feeding until 6:30 in the morning.
After this we moved them back into our bedroom and Duane and I are
now sleeping together again. :-) My mom couldn't believe we waited
until they were ten weeks old to add it. She said it used to be
standard to add it at 6 weeks. Our peditrician doesn't recommend it,
but they had already prescribed it to Lucas for spit up issues, so it
was more a matter to just adding the same to Matilda.

They both have the same sleeping schedules and eating schedules, and
really are both easy going.

I feed them at 6:30 (at the same time- I prefer to feed them
individually, but for this meal they eat together)), then I use the
treadmill until around 8 a.m. and do yoga. I then do laundry and
clean- this is the only time of day that the twins are content to
just swing and daydream. After their 11 o'clock feeding we take turns
playing in the bouncy (I sit beside them and press buttons on their
toys and rattles) or under their playmat together (same, only we also
bicycle their legs and sing songs during this time). By about 6 I am
wore out and when Duane gets home I go to sleep about 8 and get up at
11 to help with the last feeding until the next day!

We still haven't mastered tummy time I am sorry to say. Matilda was
having horrible temper tantrums and wouldn't eat afterwards. Now I
wait until shes already having a tantrum over something and then use
it to do tummy time!

They are both happy babies and have good dispositions. She is still a
bit demanding, but, I have decided that if I wasn't comparing her to
Lucas (the most well tempered baby ever) I would probably say shes a
good natured patient baby, too!

I am an introvert and while I don't miss "me time" exactly, I
do get "sensory overload" from a lot of twin interaction. This is why
I still require the naps at night even though they now sleep in good
6-7 hour blocks at night. I just get exhausted after hours of
playtime. However, one good nap and I miss them terribly, and get up
all hours of the night to just look in on them.

I told my mom that God gave babies smiles
at 6 weeks of age so mommies kept feeding them. Ha! Up until that age
its pretty thankless. Once mine started smiling I felt as if I was
the most blessed person ever. :-)

We haven't started a nap schedule yet. I am not sure how one does
this, and won't get to see replies to this message since we don't
have internet and I am on Duanes uncles computer. If anyone wants to
chat, call me and give me nap secrets! As of yet, both babies at 13
weeks still like to sleep some after every feeding. I am guessing as
they are awake for longer and longer spells that I will be able to
find a good naptime schedule.

As of yet, they only bathe once a week and I get very
nervous getting them in and out of the tub, so bathing makes all of
us restless and anxious and we all three nap afterwards! I wash their
hands, feet, face and privates everyday.

8 weeks old!

We see the peditrician for their 2 month checkup on Wednesday, but, we
no longer have internet so I am doing my catch up now.

Both babies are now over 10 pounds. They are such good babies. All my
friends and relatives seem amazed that I hold phone conversations and
cook and clean the house. Partly, because Duane lets me sleep for 5
hours when he gets home from work everyday, and partially because the
babies don't have colic.

As soon as we went to powdered formula, Lucas stopped having gas. I
guess the extra water helps him make poopies. :-P I now recognise that
the first week at home with them was so hard because I didn't
understand what their cries meant. I would hold them when they needed
a diaper change, change their diaper when they were hungry, and feed
them when they wanted to be cuddled! But now I speak "grunt" (Lucas)
and "Squirm" (Matilda) and it has made life with newborns much easier.
They stay on a 4 hour schedule, they don't cry without reason, and
are easy to soothe. My only worry is the swings. They are both
addicted to them!

Also, they aren't having any developmental delays for 35 weeks. They
both smiled on schedule and do everything the babycenter updates say
is appropriate for each week. Both smile, both hold their heads up and
like to sit on our laps. They track and follow objects, and they like
to see where sound comes from. We hold their hands, sit them up and
let them study the world.

My main issue now is that they are now alert for long periods of time
and I am a dullard with baby games! I sing only three songs- Old
MacDonald Farm, Itsy Bitsy spider, and The Brady Bunch theme song. Ha!
I am improvising on fairy tales. We just don't get out much to buy
baby things. I sleep as soon as Duane gets home, and he comes straight
home from work. We haven't used a sitter yet because I don't
particularly trust anyone with them. :-P

I think the first couple weeks I was home I screwed up my thyroid. I
only took my medication once or twice a week, and now I feel a bit
rundown and lethargic.

I am at Duanes work with the twins, and then we are going out to dinner as a family.
His boss just came in here, she looked at us and said "I can't believe
how good those babies are. I can't believe it".

OK, maybe they aren't *that* good... maybe I just know what they want
and take care of it. We are implementing attachment parenting as much
as possible, so they never do cry for long. They are never more than 3
feet from one of us 24 hours a day. Whatever it is, screw all those
hateful women who would hear I was pregnant with twins and apologize
and say "Double Trouble". My TWO babies are better than their one
babies ever were apparently, because I actually think I could of
handled triplets as easy as these babies have been. HMPFH!!! Sorry if
I seem like a braggart, but I really got sick of everyone telling me
to anticipate my life being "hell" with twins. Its not been anything
like that at all. Watch if we have a third one- she/he will have colic
for 6 months, LOL.

Lucas and Matilda 8 weeks 1 day






Anyone here doing attachment parenting?

tummy time, smiles and shopping

As far as when to start tummy time, The issue was with Lucas "spit 'em ups" we didn't
know when to do tummy time. We decided to do it right after we diaper
them before they eat. That way they won't have spit 'em ups! We are
doing anywhere from 1-5 minutes after diapering for the 7 a.m., 11
a.m., 3 p.m. and 7 p.m. feeding. The others are their "sleep times" so
we don't want to wake them up.

They both do fairly well- Matilda is better at holding her head up and
is already able to turn it from one side to the other which I read
occurs a little later than now. Lucas has a larger head than Matilda,
and he can't hold his up as high. Plus, he can suck on his hand when
he is on his tummy, so we have to keep pulling his hand away. When he
discovered that he could suck on his hand, he decided tummy time
wasn't too bad! Matilda hates it and screams. :-(

Matilda really was smiling last week! She has smiled at me all
morning, and I was able to take two pictures of her grinning when she
was waking up waiting for her diaper change (the diaper abruptly ended
that happiness!).

I do all the shopping on weekends while Duane cares for the twins, and
when I got home yesterday he had cooked a pork tenderloin in a pepper
marinade, steamed broccoli with a southwest spice, and long grain and
wild rice. I think he is why I feel rested right now. He lets me catch
up on sleep on the weekends and gives me time to myself while he cares
for the twins... but, get this... the babies are wanting to sleep
through the night. They are behaving at night the same way they did at
3 weeks when I moved them from a three hour schedule to a four hour
one. They started this the past week. They no longer wake up for their
late ight feedings, and they don't finish their bottles when we do
wake them up. I am going to make them hold off until 8 weeks though.

Hard Day's Night

The other night at 3 a.m. I was stomping up and down the living room
singing Hard Days Night at the top of my lungs to get Matilda to sleep.

She has decided that she likes to be wide awake and HELD in the wee
hours.

Anyhoo, I am totally sleep deprived. I actually feel more rested
other than the wee nights with Matilda. Today I even did one of my 20
minute "Walk away the pounds" videos. Exercise is a good way for me to
freshen up when I feel tired midday. Especially since its hard to nap
when Duanes not home. I just keep checking on the twins!

They sleep in bouncy seats during the day, and their twin pack and
play at night. Duane and I take shifts at night- this is working for
me but not him. I can get by on interupted sleep, but he can't. He
needs a full 6 hour block to feel rested, and who has that? His mom
had been coming up a few days a week, but it doesn't help me rest. I
actually feel like my guard goes up and feel more tired when she
leaves than when she was not here. However, it makes it easier to feed
as it never fails, whoever I am feeding the other one will start
screaming! I can see why twins learn patience early. Eventually I will
stop trying to placate the screaming one and make them wait their turn!

Well, thats my update. Everything is wonderful here, just exhausted. :-
)

Weight gain

The babies gained 24 ounces in 14 days! Thats ten more ounces then
they needed to gain. :-) Lucas now weighs 7 pounds 1 ounce, and
Matilda weighs 7 pounds 9 ounces. Shes chunky. We sing "She's a
brick house" when we are burping her. My SIL heard this and
said "Glad you two are enjoying your toys". LOL

The twins are 5.5 weeks old and still treat us like we are
just "food receptacles" is that normal? Matilda might be grinning at
me now, but not even sure about that- could be sleep grins

no more breastfeeding

The pumping is over I guess. *sighs* The other night both Lucas and
Matilda had a very stressful night because the peditrician wanted to
cut back their mylecon dosing. I went over 12 hours without pumping
and never had engorgement or pain and when I pumped I got about three
drops. If I could be aggressive I think I could at least get back to
where I was last week getting one ounce a day, but it seems to
pointless. In spite of having more time for the babies and knowing the
neosure is a good formula I feel the heaviest guilt. I don't even
understand it, but its there. I do feel like we tried. I just think I
would of tried HARDER had there been in fruits to my efforts. My MIL
was here this week and after I pumped for twenty minutes she saw what
I carried into the kitchen and said "Oh Lizzie, you worked twenty
minutes for THAT?" She wasn't being cruel either- she wasn't able to
breast feed any of her children. Being mexican, she had a lot of
pressure to do so and tried with all three of her daughters to nurse.

I am trying to switch the twins to a four hour schedule. They haven't
been waking up for there three hour feedings, so we decided to see if
they could do well on four hours. We will track what they consume and
make sure they make up for the two extra bottles they will lose on a
four hour feeding schedule.

We still haven't made "contact". They seem to look through us. Ha!
However, both are starting to be more responsive to us. When we pick
them up to eat, they stop crying if they had been. They anticipate
their bottles and get excited. They are very alert and also lift their
little heads now. Cute! Matilda gets so excited when we burp her that
she tries to chomp on her burping cloth while waiting for the bottle.
Lucas entertains as always with his cute expressions.

Hard!

I feel bad about the breastfeeding- its not working out well at all.

And whats BAD is that we have help. My MIL has been coming up every
other day for the 11 and 2 feeding. But, I don't trust her to feed
Lucas. Lucas is a very sluggish eater and probably needed to stay a
day or two longer on his tube, but, the hospital really wanted to send
them home together and said they felt Duane and I had the skills to
get Lucas fed. Well, we DO. Because we stay on top of him- twirling
his bottle, pulling it back and forth reminding him to suck, blowing
in his face, getting him cold, binding his arms when he becomes
"disorganised" etc. So, when we have guests- like right now when my
sister is here- the only way I feel like I can get rest is if Duane is
home. Then I know he will feed Lucas. Lucas also has mild reflux, but
Matilda does, too.

Last night I started zoning out watching t.v. and Duane says "Please
go nap, you look awful and you are zoning out". I laid down at 10:30
and didn't get up until after 2. I told Duane "I didn't pump! I didn't
pump!" then, I went to get my stuff to pump for after I fed the twins,
and he says Matilda has colic. I ended up taking her and bringing her
in the living room and rocking her until 4:30 when I discovered that
her bouncing seat seemed to sooth her on vibrate. I put it in one side
of the twin pack and play and went to sleep. I forgot to pump!

My supply is so low that I don't feel any heaviness or pain in my
breasts in between pump sessions, so, there isn't a physical reminder
that I need to go do it.

Duane took on the 5 30 feeding to let me rest up after the extended 2
a.m. one as it only ended at 4:45. Matilda is upset again, and now
Lucas is, too. I asked Duane if he had changed Lucas and he said he
had. After holding him and seeing how uncomfortable he was for 45
minutes, I decided to check his diaper and he had made a big poopie
and thats why he was upset. I counted diapers and realized Duane
hadn't changed him! I asked him about this, and he said "Oh. I thought
it was Matilda whose diaper I not changed (I told him to skip hers if
it was only wet as it seemed to further agitate her when she needed to
eat and sleep)". But, in his own drowsiness, he had changed Matilda
instead of Lucas (why shes screaming again!).

So now its 12 hours since I last pumped and also time for me to eat
since its been 14 since I did that.

And my milk is drying up. :-(

Anyhow, there isn't a way for me to not feel bad about this, because I
honestly feel like its a scheduling issue and I don't know how to
resolve it. I need to stay fresh for them, and I do need to eat and
drink, and I have to be the one to feed Lucas if Duane isn't here.
But, the BF milk is so good for them. The only thing I can console
myself with is that its neosure- not BF- thats been shown to help
preemies overcome any problems associated with premature birth-
neosure preemies are taller, heavier, etc, than other preemies.

So, I am going to eat and pump again. *sighs*

BTW, Lucas is the sweetest baby EVER. I wanted a girl so very bad, but
can honestly say that I am totally in love with my little man. He is
the cutest most patient baby, and ever so sweet. I just smooch him all
day long!

Homecoming

Lucas and Matilda came home today.

I feel a bit frazzled, but my MIL was here tonight to watch them while
we went and picked up a few last minute items from Walmart, and shes
coming back tomorrow.

They are currently sleeping in their twin pack and play in our bedroom!

I'm a mother!

First, I had a complete reprieve from all my pregnancy complaints
starting last Tuesday evening. I woke up Wednesday non-itchy, no ankle
pain, could breathe, my bladder felt great, and had an urge to clean
house and pack my suitcase. I cooked dinner and told Duane that if the
next few weeks felt like this, I would be great!

I felt the same way Thursday, and that evening told Duane I was
worried I was going into labor, that I felt like I was "nesting".

That night I awoke from a dream where I was in labor. I woke up and my
lower back hurt, so I went to pee, and when I came back it still hurt.
I changed positions and it kept hurting. I sat up and it hurt. I
checked my uterus and noticed it was tightening when I felt the pain.

I called the RN on call and they called the OB and called and said for
me to head over to Piedmont. It was 3 a.m. and I had only climbed into
bed to sleep at 12:30! I woke up Duane and apologised to him for going
in for a "False alarm" but told him it was best that we be responsible.

At Piedmont I walked up to the second floor, walked to the room, sat
down and told the nurse to check me so I could go home. Well, on the
monitor I was having contractions every two minutes! And, I was
effaced and dilated 1 cm. Based on having had my cervix monitored only
three days before and having the measurments etc, they told me I would
be having the babies THAT DAY. I told them I was NOT, I was going home!

I wanted them to let me just keep going, but, because of the boys last
u/s, they felt that I might pose him risks if we waited around to see
if the contractions stopped. Like, when we first arrived and my
contractions had been harder, his heart rate had dropped for a minute.
So, we called the peri and his recommendation was to proceed with the
c-section that morning.

I can't tell you how shocked and upset I was. I kept asking what I
had done wrong. The fact is the boy had been engaged for over three
weeks and my cervix had been rapidly changing...

The c-section was done with a spinal *and* epidurel. The spinal for
the procedure, then they add the eidurel medicine and allow you to
stay numb for 24 hours.

Lucas Cristiano was born at 11:32 weighing in at 4 pounds 12 ounces
and apgar scores of 8 and 9.

Matilda Bronwyn was born at 11:33 weighing in at 4 pounds 14 ounces
and apgar scores of 9 and 9.

Duane WATCHED the entire thing. He is so funny! He loved watching the
surgery. Grossed me out!

Lucas was in NICU for 6 hours while they watched him breathe as he was
born grunting, but after 6 hours he went to "step down" with Matilda.
They have been there all week. :-( They had to see them take in ALL
their meal within 30 minutes for 8 meals in a row and both of them
keep missing ONE meal every day! So, while they aren't in NICU, they
are still in the hospital in what you might call "transitional" nursery,
or "step down", or "intermediate" nursery. Its been so lonely not
having them home, but they have to eat!

Whats really hard is everyone keeps congratulating me on carrying my
twins for 35 weeks and 2 days, and I feel like I failed them. I
thought I would make it to 38 weeks.

Lucas looks just like Duane right now, and Matilda doesn't look like
anyone I know, but she sure is gorgeous! Lucas has the sweetest little
face and is so patient and gentle. Matilda has a bad temper and
furrows up her brow anytime she doesn't get her way! They are snuggled
up in the same crib and love to be right beside one another.

Here are some pictures, too.





About my recovery- right after my c-section they wanted me to see my
abdomen. Did any of you have this??? Have you ever seen or owned a
sweater that you wore so often that it had "breasts" in it when you
weren't wearing it? Because the sweater was so snug on you? Well, my
stomach had that! After birth I had indentions on each side in the
shape of the babies! I said "whats wrong with my stomach?!?!?!" And
they told me it was the impressions of the babies but that it would go
away.

Because of being on heparin, I can't take motrin and they put me on
percocet. I went off of it three days later and since 4 days post op
haven't taken anything for pain. WHY? Because the percocet made my
ankles swell to the size of my calves, constipated me so bad that I
required two ducolzx suppositores and an enema within 15 hours, and
made my stomach bloat up to 8 months pregnant again! Taking zero pain
killer is better than that one!

My waist is down 9 inches since wearing an abdominal binder. MAN do I
recomend this! They used to be standard with c-sections. My OB said I
didn't need it, they were for obese patients. Well, I couldn't get
myself out of bed. I tried an ace bandage around my stomach and
instantly had support, and Duane bought me the belt. As soon as I put
it on, all my pain went away, and my waist is down to a 29 one week
post op. Its the belt! It feels so snug and cozy and it stops all the
"jiggle" feeling after birth. I LOVE it.

I am a breast feeding flunkie. NO, I didn't get engorged after
childbirth like everyone said I would. Apparently not experiencing
breast changes during pregnancy is a risk factor for not coming into
milk. I have seen three lactation consultants and with their help I
get one ounce from 8 pumping sessions. ONE ounce total. :-( We are
going to try fenugreek over the weekend and if it doesn't increase my
supply we are going to get the reglan Monday (I hope) from my OB. The
consultants all say my form is right, and I should have milk... I am very disappointed because after being indifferent to breastfeeding, after seeing and holding my babies I have wanted to give them breastmilk sooooo bad. They mix my teesny one ounce in with their evening bottles. One ounce! Ack! I met other
risk factors for not getting milk as well- not experiencing breast
changes during puberty (It was a year later before I started to get
breasts), carrying preemies.

I LOVE my babies. Never ever did I think I possessed such love to
give. I keep looking at them and saying "I made that!". It is so
shocking and surprising to me to marvel at these little people who are
apart of Duane and I. They smell so good and they feel so warm and
they are the cutest things ever. EVERYONE should be a parent. I can't
wait for Wendy to get her baby. I thought of her almost instantly, and
started wishing she would get news of a match soon. I want every woman
to feel the way I do.

OK, I am going to check out bellypics, then go pump.

Lucas and Matilda~ one week old today!

34w 6days peri report

As usual I became distracted by something on the u/s and forgot to ask
relevant questions like "Whats this rash?" The rash was gone by today,
but my abdomen is still bright red. And itchy! The best thing I can do
is just not touch it.

The benedryl I took last night made the twins very sleepy, and they
were the least responsive that they have been on an u/s. Usually they
kick and punch the wand and they chase them with it trying to capture
images. Today they just wanted to sleep. Poor groggy babies!

What came up was my cervical length. It was 3.75 three weeks ago. 2.5
last week, and 1.5 today. Its pudding soft but closed. I asked for
them to measure it as just as Andi pointed out its not routinely
monitored this late in pregnancy. I asked because of the intensity he
has been hitting my cervix with- I felt like it had to be shorter and
wanted to see what it "meant".

The doctor gave me the best analogy of cervical changes and I now
understand something that I hadn't before. He put both his hands
together in a prayer position and pointed themj toward me- his middle
fingers directly pointing across toward me. He said "This is a closed
long cervix". Then, from the palms, he began to open his hands, but
allowed the fingers to touch. He said "This is the cervix shortening
in preperation for labor". Eventually he had opened his hands all the
way out like wings, but the middle fingers still touched. He said
"This is 100% effaced and at this point all your cervix can do is
this.." At which point he pulled the hands apart which meant the
middle fingers no longer touched. I wish I could show you this, it was
a perfect metaphor and when he did it Duane and I both had an "A-ha"
moment.

I am on strict bedrest now. The peri (who I really like) said that the
babies would be fine, but he would like to keep the boy inside a bit
longer since his abdomen is tiny. The boy is looking at NICU stays,
shes not unless she has breathing issues. However, at the same time, I
could not have any issues arise- which has been my history as you all
know. Infact, when he delivered this information and said "You might
get by with one more week" I was unphased. He just wanted to be
proactive since my cervix is changing a bit quickly because some
little fella likes to head butt my cervix all hours of the day. I
don't think bedrest will help this. I haven't been all that active,
and the pool felt like it alleviated pressure on my uterus and cervix,
not created it.

Also, shes trying to engage as well. He is in my pelvis, shes just
ever so slightly above it since I guess both heads can't fit down.

In other words, both babies are ready to GO.

34w 6d b/g twins

8 week ultrasound

I have fortunate to have a local obgyn who humors me with weekly u/s!

I am 7w 6d today.

Twin A measured 8w 1d with a heartbeat of 140-150.
Twin B measured 8w 0d with a heartbeat of 141.

I got to *HEAR* their little hearts beating. I cried! Its REAL!

Morning sickness

OK, I must be a total FOOL, but I am now wondering if
my "hypoglycemia" is garden variety morning sickness. Heres the
scoop:

I wake up feeling very shakey and overwhelmingly hungry- usually
hunger pains are what wakes me. Eating makes me feel sick to my
stomach, but, if I eat very slowly and take breaks, I can do it.
Afterwards, I feel really crappy for about 15 minutes and I lay back
during this time. I feel shakey and weak. Then I start to feel a
little better.

During the day I get a bad "metal mouth" which makes me feel sick to
my stomach between meals- I can't drink it away, water makes me fele
even more nausea. If I suck on hard candy it goes away, and is
immediately followed by excruiating hunger again... if I graze all
day, its better than eating meals, and by dinner it has all subsided
and I feel full all evening. But, it comes back with a vengeance in
the morning.

On my desk right now there is a bag of saltines, a bag of popcorn, a
bag of trailmix, a jar of peanut butter, two tangerines, a bag of
beef jerky... oh- and a little thing of yogurt!

I am so uncomfortable that I started crying on the way to work
(again). I feel the most uncomfortable, shakey etc in the a.m.- but,
I don't feel like I will vomit. My stomach doesn't cramp... its just
a low grade nausea, shakiness feeling and a bad taste in my mouth
(and food tasting crappy at first). And makes me belch. Ugh!
Yesterday when all of this was at its worst I went to yawn and let
out the ickiest man belch ever in my office. I was mortified that
someone heard me!

I assumed this was hypoglycemia as thats how it feels too, but, upon
researching I am not so sure!

Sorry for being such a dullard about this!

6 weeks 6 days

This is officially my second u/s- but, the first one on my SIRM
calendar.

Twin A measures 7w 0d
Twin B measures 6w 5d (this is the only one he measured at 5w 6d,
and then twin measured 5w 5d so it has grown exactly a week).

Twin B is harder to visualize- is that common? We have to really
maneuver to get a good picture.

Both had heartbeats.

Is it OK for one to be a day behind, and one to be a day ahead- with
a two day difference between them?

He gave me a prescription for phenagren and was surprised that I am
battling hypoglycemia this early- he explained what causes it in
relation to pregnancy, and said its a bit early. But, he said the
twins might make the difference, too.

Two Babies!

I am so glad we went- my birthday is tomorrow, and I really didn't
want to spend another day feeling so helpless and EMPTY. As I
explained to Stephanie, its just that I went into October so hopeful,
and had my hopes squashed. So, this time I have been afraid to feel
hope.

We have two babies, both had heartbeats today.

!!!

I know I know I know!!!

I guess it does explain the wild hunger, thirst and irritability
(the dizziness seems to be associated with low blood sugar- from
hunger!). I was just afraid to *think* that.

I guess since there was heartbeat(s), there is a good chance both
are gonna stay around? He didn't measure the heartbeat- but, both
babies were the same size (5w5d), and both sacs were the right size.
At first he said one had a slightly faster heartbeat than the other,
then he decided the other was just harder to measure because of the
position (when I breathed it would obscure the heartbeating). HE
said both looked great. OK, listen to me, now I am going to worry
about THAT. Hee!

Kindredly~
Lizzie