lunch

Following my ob appointment yesterday, I realized that I was heading home an hour earlier than my mother in law anticipated. I called and asked if she would mind if I stopped and enjoyed lunch somewhere before coming home. The big twins are dealing with separation anxiety at the moment and my meals are quickly scarfed down and sometimes I can't even remember what I ate for having consumed it in such haste!

I have previously mentioned that growing up we moved very frequently. Lunch was a painful reminder of this. Unless I shared the class previous to lunch with a new friend, I usually spent lunch time in line scouring the cafeteria for someone I knew to sit with. On more than one occasion I tossed my entire tray into the garbage because I hadn't seen one friendly face in the crowd of people I looked outward on, or when I found them, a seat which had been reserved for a new friend. The prospect of sitting alone frightened me. High School is definitely a time in everyones life where introversion and independence are scoffed at. The goal is to be like everyone else. And for the shy, to blend in and not attract notice. Sitting alone attracted notice. And a food tray shared with a friend just tasted better.

How much more wonderful then it was to have found several years ago that eating alone *is* sharing lunch with a friend. A time for introspection, to daydream, to savor- foods, thoughts, quiet time.

Yesterday I had lunch at Panera Bread. I had a yummy Mediterranean Veggie sandwich- minus the feta cheese, add avocado. A cup of their broccoli and cheddar soup, a bowl of fresh fruits, and a delicious frozen caramel coffee drink topped with whipped cream and chocolate syrup- my beverage *and* dessert!

I chose a nice comfy booth in the center of the restaurant, yet the booth enclosure made it somewhat private for me.

I did savor this time- the smells, the tastes, the sounds. The pungent smell of expresso contrasted with the warm tomato basil bread my sandwich was served on. The flavorful crisp sweet peppers they topped my sandwich with and the sliced hass avocado- my favorite variety. The texture of the porcelain bowl my soup was served in was appreciated- how nice to find something so pretty instead of styrofoam. The fact that they serve with sterling utensils instead of sterile wrapped plastic throwaways. The sounds of conversation all around me, of dishs clanging in the kitchen and camaraderie among co-workers.

Since I do not have many stolen moments as a mother to babies and expectant mother to babies, none of this was lost on me. I took my time enjoying each bite, and allowing it to be distinguished in my mouth from the tastes and textures of my other foods. I didn't gulp down my coffee, I let it linger on my tongue and enjoyed the sweet mixed with bitter flavors, and the chill of it. Can you believe I felt spoiled?

And once having finished, I went to eavesdropping on the lives of those around me. Had I the idle time, this would be a favorite past time for me. I enjoy having a birds eye view on the lives of outsiders, and quietly taking in their lives for my own interpretation and review. People are my favorite mystery to unravel.

My favorite group there was a family. Grandparents, their adult daughter and her husband and their granddaughter. Of all the people there, they seemed to most grasp the idea of lunch as pleasure. The people directly around me did not enjoy their foods and I hardly imagine they stopped to even taste them- they seemed stressed, not relaxed or even comfortable. Their time was spent occupied on their cellphones from the moment they sat down with their tray to the moment they walked back out the door. How did we become so addicted to this technology that it invades every inch of our space? My sister in law recently returned from Europe and she said it was refreshing to find that the locals turned off their cell phones in restaurants. But here a cellphone is treated as an emergency pager. At any moment a S.O.S. may come through it from your boss about dire work matters, your mother about your fathers health, or a best friend about her husband. All subjects of VITAL importance which are physically identified with "Do Not Miss" ring tones. Those who weren't occupied with conversation stared at their phone as if awaiting interruption, or perhaps feeling lonely without something attached to their ear. Two females sat across from me with their phones opened up beside their plates as if they were an extra food utensil awaiting use. Several were there with laptops, including a male and female who appeared to be somewhat romantically involved but who chose to sit at adjacent tables to allow for more space for their personal computers rather than interaction with the other. Really, Panera Bread isn't inexpensive, if you want to consume food while you use your cellphones and laptop- making those the priority, why not just select MacDonalds? Why sit down in a restaurant at all? Why not just eat at your office cubicle?

But the family I enjoyed. The grandfather wore his sunglasses through the meal, so perhaps he had glaucoma. He was engaged in a funny story with his son in law that made him laugh and smile widely. His son in law leaned in to hear the story better. The daughter helped her mother back to the counter and they spent a long time pouring over the dessert menu together. And the granddaughter- who appeared to be around 5 years old- rattled on the entire meal to an imaginary play friend. She laughed and sighed to herself, and spent much time going into important details of her story with an invisible audience. She was a very content child and it gave me pleasure to observe her.

After awhile, I just closed my eyes and leaned my head back for a moment. Then tidied up to leave. An hour well spent. An hour for lunch! The nice family was still there when I left. How nice that even the clock didn't seem to interupt their afternoon together.

My OB report was excellent barring nay complications the peri finds today via ultrasound. I wish I were to have lunch again today- by myself, celebrating this time with the little twins safely tucked inutero- but I may appreciate it less if it weren't a special occasion as it is now. Though I would hope not.