My dad and Lucas

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Isn't this adorable? My dad playing with Lucas in early July.

birthdays

So, its been an entire year since I first "met" Ewan and Rowan. They turned 1 years old this month, and Lucas and Tilly turned 2. I took a couple pictures- the one of Duane and Ewan and Rowan was at their kiddie party. The one of Lucas and Tilly was taken at home before we went to their party. We rented one of those "inflatable play centers" and invited toddler and pre-school friends to share in our day. There were ten children there! We had a strawberry cake with "Winnie The Pooh" decor, and it had buttercream frosting with a piped chocolate buttercream on the edge as I wanted a taste of chocolate! :-)




Ewan and Rowan are walking... barely. They take 3-4 steps, then decide to crawl, stand up, take 3-4 more steps, then decide again that crawling is faster. Ewan is walking more than Rowan- who still feels safer cruising with one hand. I think by the end of the month Ewan will be going all over the place, and by mid-September Rowan will, too. They say a few words, but not predictably. They say "Hi", "Bye, Bye", "Mama" and "Dada". The other day Rowan was saying "Eat". I couldn't decide if he was parroting me or actually asking for a meal. Rowan LOVES mealtimes and takes them very seriously. He curls forward over his food tray and concentrates very hard on what bites he chooses. His favorite is macaroni and cheese. Ewan would prefer to be fed from a jar, but he will eat crackers and some macaroni and cheese... I so want the freedom of finger foods, but we are still primarily feeding from a jar.

Here is Rowan's birthday picture:



Here is Ewan's birthday picture:



Lucas is now talking up a storm. He is very sensitive and asks where I am, or where Dada is, or Tilly, anytime we start out of the room. He is fascinated with airplanes and speaks of them all the time! Matilda talks in full sentences now, but they are baby sentences. For instance, last night when we passed Ewan and Rowans nursery, she said "Little babies go night night with puppies and pacis!". Cute! Her hair is getting so long, too!

This isn't from Lucas and Tilly's party, but it illustrates how much Lucas enjoys parties in general:



Matilda twirling in her new dress from her aunt Pat. I love this picture! Matilda is such a "girlie girl":



We received a ton of packages from my family for the kids birthdays- so many that we have reserved a few (Like the Little People villages) for a rainy day. We have a stack in our closet from my parents, aunt and from my sister that we will let them open over time. The "Little People" villages are so cute! We have a Thanksgiving one and a Christmas one put back, too. I ordered those from the Fisher Price website.

I am going through books like crazy. I haven't watched television in about a... year! Ha, ha. At the end of the evening once everyone is down for the night, I just want quiet. So, I have been reading "cozy mysteries". The one I am working on now is by Susan Witting Albert and features the sleuth of... Beatrix Potter! Assisted by her animal friends, too. This is the first of her books I have read, and the first in the Beatrix Potter series. I am also enjoying Maggie Sefton's knitting mysteries, and Emily Brightwell's "Mrs. Jeffries" mysteries about a Victorian housekeeper who helps her Scotland Yard Inspector employer solve murders. These are such a lovely light escape for me at the end of the day... reading about Victorian England, or a homecraft I would enjoy learning set in the midwest, etc. Its so peaceful! Reading definitely keeps me feeling as if I am still active, even if its only my imagination.

I had a terrible computer crash and its taken me a few weeks to get back into the swing of posting. Also, I posted a few months back about how I needed to find a way to deal with friends and family who insist on telling me negative and hurtful things? I finally took care of that after hearing a particularly hurtful piece of information from the primary person who was relaying that stuff. It had the effect I was worried and previously journaled about. The weekly calls about ugly information have stopped and I feel ten times better. I hate that I may have lost that friendship, but if it was rooted in gossip, it wasn't a healthy friendship for either of us. Having removed myself from that situation... I am sleeping better, I am happier, and I feel like I lost ten pounds- all of which were anger, frustration, and bitterness. I do not know if any of you are struggling with this sort of problem, but I recommend telling the person that you don't want to participate as a listener or share negative gossip any longer.

Matilda can be vain

I bought this little playschool vanity at a yard sale last year for 2.00. It is Lucas and Matilda's favorite piece of kiddie "furniture" although Tilly appreciates it the most. She visits it and practices her facial expressions, has conversations with herself, pretends to be "momma" and barks orders at her brother, and grooms in front of it. I thought I would share these pictures I took in sequences a couple weeks ago.







Of course Lucas can be a ham, too- but he is usually darting from the camera. Here is Lucas wearing his monkey beads.



And sometimes Matilda can be serious. She has such a pretty little face!



Everything with us and the kids is wonderful. They are all good children, and even when they are cranky they are easily soothed and quickly return to joy. They certainly have some limitations that other children don't have, and their patience through this has been astounding. While we make an effort to take them places every weekend and be sure they get to socialize and be out of doors, during the week this is very difficult for me and we still spend most of our time in the playroom. I just don't know how to juggle four children so close in age with such different needs by myself. Lucas and Matilda are very independent and they run, climb and play. Ewan and Rowan are cruising and crawling. We were invited to a party of a friends twins two weeks ago, and the only way I could manage it was the moms of older kids there helped me. Two of them were holding Ewan and Rowan at all times, and I chased after Lucas and Tilly- following them in and out of "bounce houses" and carrying them up the slide. Matilda in particular was shy and wouldn't investigate the play area at first without me holding her hand. Eventually she was more comfortable which was just in time for me to save a friend from Rowan's screams. He was having social anxiety and missing his momma who he could see ut not reach from someone elses arms. The kids all had a good time, but I felt completely wiped out. So worth it to see them have such fun, and so worth it to get a good nights rest for all of us that evening, but without any help, it leaves me at a loss to regularly let them have adventures like this. We have invited my husbands mother to the park with us several weekends and she has refused to go. The last time we went to the park, we went to one with a fence and I chased Lucas and Tilly and tried to get them to stay together, and Duane sat on a blanket and entertained Ewan and Rowan.

All the women I know in situations like we are either have an au pair, a mothers helper, or good quality family help. We live 7 hours from my family. I won't go into my husbands family just yet... I just grieve a bit for my kids... I know that as they age they will love having siblings in such close proximity and our holidays will be fun. But I think their memories of their early childhood will be the playroom walls. At least it won't be television. We do limit their television viewing!

I am sorry if I am being a little down today. We just canceled a vacation we had been looking forward to for months. I am very sad about it, but more sad about the state of my husbands relationships as well as mine with his family. To be honest, there isn't a relationship. We live inside a hornets nest.

The only safe way to be inside a hornets nest is to lay perfectly still while the bees buzz around you and try to keep even your breath slow and methodical. I haven't done a very good job at this. I find I hold my breath as long as I can, and then I sigh loudly, or inhale sharply and am stung again.

All I can do is my best. I am tired of bee stings. From now on, we are going to be on our own. We've been on our own for sometime anyhow, but now this is a declaration of it.

I hope the rest of you are well and happy and enjoying summer!

Keep a good thought for us!

Markers, haircuts, and fathers

I promised to upload pictures of Lucas and Tilly caught "Red handed" (literally) with their markers on the playroom wall. Here is Matilda when I entered the room (with camera!) and said "What are you doing?"



Here is Lucas the next day when I joined in and colored with them (see my flower?). I am a brave woman indeed coloring with washable markers on the walls. Ever try it? Its quite liberating.



I was thinking this weekend about my father. I think the trait I love best about my father is that he is in constant observation of people and the situations transpiring around them. These observations become stories that he tells to those he loves. I think I inherited this quality from him.

Growing up I could remember my father relating stories about people he encountered in immense detail. He would regale us over dinner with tales about people he worked with, men he was friends with and funny antidotes about their experiences, and women he met or knew personally. He often became so caught up with his memories of the event as he related it that he would pause and laugh to himself before he was able to verbally express what he was thinking of- Looking up in the air and silently musing with a barely audible snicker- my father often laughs through his nose, so to someone who doesn't know him, this may sound like he has allergies. :-) This tried my mothers patience- the fact that my father is in on a joke he hasn't shared. Knowing that his stories annoyed her made me try extra hard to be an active listener because I can not bare for anyones voice to fall upon deaf ears. And, I don't believe my father has ever met an ugly woman. Its the latter that impressed endearment of my father upon me. When my father describes a woman, she is not ugly unless she is somehow a sour or sullen person. Otherwise, he manages to see a quality of beauty in all of us. He will describe a womans eyes, a personality he thought was especially becoming, etc. But, what he doesn't mention is age, weight, or color. If you want to know these things you have to ask. And with age he is particularly funny- he will generalize with entire decades at once. He often tells me "Oh, she is around your age" and this could mean she is 25-45 years old! Having a father like this made me especially aware of the charming physical attributes of everyone I met, and allowed me to be able to appreciate beauty. Obvious, and hidden.

I went to Starbucks again this past weekend- for Mother's Day. First, I don't expect gifts for Mother's Day. The great thing in my life is my children and I don't need to be honored for what is a daily gift to me on one particular holiday a year. However, Duane gave me the cutest card with scribbles from all the kids on it (he wrote underneath each in parenthesis who was the author of the scribble sentiments). He also gave me a starbucks gift card. Which I used in spite of my contrary feelings on the subject of receiving gifts on Mother's Day. :-)

My corner was vacant and I had the comfy chair again! And while the background noise of the baristas was kept to a minimum in this far corner of the coffee house, there were two women seated at the table closest to the comfy chairs having an excited conversation. While I was there to read, I couldn't help but make practice of my father's observation skills. One of the women had apparently traveled some distance to see the other friend. I gathered this because her companion was talking of the changes to the area since she had last visited. Both women were Christian- and not in a southern way (everyone here is "Christian") but in active faith way. Conversation was peppered with expressions like "God will provide" and "I trust God to...". I really like people who are attached to their faith and speak of it as if its ingrained in their being, not something second hand which has been passed on by coincidence, not understanding. The local woman was very striking. She had sensual eyes. Dark almond eyes which were framed by an out of date hairstyle- a "bob"- but, it was a perfect way to showcase her eyes and seemed very stylish framing her face. It was rather odd to see a middle aged woman with bedroom eyes in a coffee house on a Sunday afternoon. I envied her that she could be an attractive woman without even trying. Mae West had bedroom eyes. I once read that in her 70's she worked with a 20 year old Rachel Welch and West had asked the director who was more attractive. Thats the sort of self confidence I believe all women should possess! Back to Starbucks- the lady with the lovely eyes faced me so I was able to see her clearly. Her traveling friend had her back to me, so my observations of her was kept to her personality. Which I liked very much because she was a gracious listener and an empathetic friend. Had they not been so animated and expressive I am sure my book would of sustained my interest and kept me from eavesdropping! However, instead I was privy to their lunch break and it gave me an interesting bird's eye view of their friendship. What impressed me was how after only five minutes of awkward pauses and required "catch-ups" they resumed their obviously long enduring friendship and engaged in support to one another and encouragement. They switched back and forth from subjects in a lyrical manor, leaning in or waving a hand to punctuate poignant moments, voices rising and falling constantly, but, keeping in harmony with one another. As if they were singing in a choir. It made me miss having girlfriend's locally, or being able to visit my childhood friends. Surely there is a song I sing with my friends. I wonder what it sounds like.

Once they left I draped myself over the chair in a familiar fashion and immersed myself into a new book for 2 hours.

That evening we went to a local park and then out to dinner. This park was fabulous!!! It had four toddler swings so we were able to let all the babies play at the same time and each of us pushed two at once back and forth.

Ewan is now crawling as fast as Rowan. But Rowan is pulling up and trying to cruise. Silly wee one! He hasn't the balance for cruising so after a few moments he teeters backward and then sticks his lower lip out for effect. He also chases his older siblings around the room wishing to play. Lucas and Tilly have become patient with their siblings and good playmates. Matilda enjoys smooching them. Lucas likes to pretend to feed them with play food bowls and empty spoons (Ewan thinks this is horrible and will screetch if his spoon is empty).

Rowan had to have a haircut. Here is the before:



Here is the little fellow now. Duane has taken to calling him "Frodo Baggins".



Here is Ewan looking very determined in crawling. Duane calls him "BigButt Baggins".



Ta-ta for today!

Pies and musings

This past weekend I made my first Key Lime Pie. I don't want to claim any gourmet status from this. I went with the basic recipe thats all over the backs of boxes, lime juice bottles and sweetened condensed milk cans with a basic pre-made graham crust (I prefer gingersnap crust, but was short on time). But, I did make it my own by serving it with a fresh raspberry coulis made from frozen raspberries and grand marnier. Oh the sauce was as good as the pie! My husband is as much of a pie man as a cake man, but I lean more toward cakes. However, as we approach the southern summer humidity, perhaps I should tweak my recipe selection to include more pies. My mother has the best ice box pie I have ever had!

Ewan is now crawling along with Rowan. Rowan was an early crawler, and Ewan and early sitter but both are now sitting and crawling and a few weeks earlier than Lucas and Matilda did. I credit this to them having the larger playroom now which Lucas and Matilda didn't have... and the fact that "tummy time" isn't nearly as scary the second time around. Or, third and fourth time I should say.

A friend of mine was telling me a story about her mother than has quite effected me. I was telling her how often when people tell me things, I *want* to ask them to stop. For instance, if I know someone and think well of them, I really don't want to hear that five years ago they were a stripper or something. Plus, out of its original context, most past stories about people sound way worse than the circumstances may have been during that time the events occurred that became the source of the original tale. And besides, What does that have to do with them *now*. I guess alot of people relish being included in that sort of ugly gossip, but I don't. It usually makes me feel very sad for the persons past, and then worrying I will now judge them based upon their mistakes. Or repeat the story myself. Goodness knows we have all made mistakes and all of us surely have skeletons in our closets we would prefer to not have dragged out for company!

So my friend was telling me about her mother who passed away a few years ago. She said her mother didn't like hearing hurtful gossip and didn't like hearing what she described as "off color humor". She said when anyone would approach her and begin a conversation with "I heard the worst thing about _____!" her mom would step back, throw her hand up, and say "I don't want to hear it then." Or "I just heard this joke, its a little bit rude but..." her mom would interject "Then you might should share it with someone else".

This behavior was so shocking to me that I had to just sit on it for a week and think. WHY did this shock me? WHY does this sound so strange?

Because I was brought up to always be a polite listener and to not hurt other peoples feelings. I don't know how I became this way- I can't tell you if it was having a mother can be insensitive, or if it was from being told every single person was our "elder" who had earned our respect... all I know is that I have become an adult who listens to garbage they would rather not hear for the sake of avoiding conflict by asking the person to stop including me in their gossip.

And worse, I am involved in triangular communications all the time and those are so unhealthy. Do you know what this is? This is when person B and person C both have a dislike for person A. Person B calls Person C and tells them something Person A recently did. Now these two neither have perspective or unbiase toward A because they both dislike them. Person C engages in gossip and reaffirms the negative experience Person B had. Person B leaves the conversation with even more hostility than they began with toward Person A because they gossiped with a person who "dittos" their feelings.

Or, here is another example. Person B calls you and says "I think you should know what Person A has said, but its in confidence". Person C then hears something very ugly thats essentially hearsay but sworn to secrecy so they can neither confirm or deny the rumor about Person A. And when they are relating something Person A said about you, you are now burdened with the knowledge of a conversation that may have not been intended for you, and unable to confront Person A to ask. Then you grow to hate someone based on gossip you were asked to not confirm.

Its that last scenario thats make me want to pull my hair out. I really don't want to hear anything ugly being said about me, my husband, or my children. I don't want to hear ugly things that *might* be said about us regarding my decisions for our family. If Person A has a problem with me, they need to deal with me directly, and if they are just venting to Person B about me, I perfectly respect that and don't want to know!!!

What happened to discretion?

Both of the previous mentioned types of dysfunctional conversations rely on the third leg- person C- to function.

I initially thought I would just copy my friends mother and start throwing up my hand and asking that the information be relayed to someone else. I haven't been able to do this. Ugh. The lessons from my childhood on being a polite listener are ingrained too deeply.

My current idea has been to undermine the strength of the triangle by not being an active listener. Maybe I can't stop them by throwing up my hand, but perhaps if I become a person who it isn't fun to relay gossip to, it will still stop none the less. This process will be slower, but it may have the same result. And in the mean time I want to work on being more assertive. After all, the reason I don't want to throw my hand up and say "No, please don't tell me this" is because I worry I am hurting the other persons feelings. But, hearing this stuff hurts *my feelings*. Why should I sacrifice myself for the sake of GOSSIP?

Just something I am working on...

It is all hard

Twin Mother Haiku

Two souls in one womb
Three hearts beat together
One mother finds joy ~ Lizzie

I have been visiting twin blogs lately. About 30 in the past two weeks. I have found some delightful blogs- check out Katies Paper Haven in my links, she has time to raise twins and nurture her artistic talents, too! I was so impressed! I am glad to have found her.

I noticed a recurring theme in other twin blogs that just makes me uncomfortable. Not all of them mind you, but roughly half of them (if you are visiting my blog because I commented in your twin blog- I only commented on the blogs I LIKED, so yours isn't one I am venting about). And that is frequent vents about how much harder twin mothers have it than mothers of singletons. All sorts of little antidotes about singleton mommies who have time to diet, stay athletic, dress their babies in 'oh so cute' clothing, drive around in their small sports cars, show off their post pregnancy abs etc etc etc. Very snide remarks.

(I suppose you could take this one step further and mothers of high order multiples of quads and sextuplets could blog about twin moms and how they complain about how hard life is when they have less than half the newborns the mom of quads or sextuplets has.)

I have to say that I really can't tell that raising two sets of twins is any harder than other moms have it raising a larger family. I take that back- both my grandmothers had four daughters and spaced their birth order out far enough that their eldest daughters could help with the newest babies. That was savvy parenting, in my opinion! But in general, we seem to share the same challenges, joys, and lack of sleep and "me time".

Everyones parenting choices and the way they decide to build their families will have pros and cons. Everyone has luxuries and everyone has made concessions and sacrifices. Whenever I find myself leaning toward feeling jealousy of another mother, I try and put myself in their situation looking in on *me*. It is funny how from an outside perspective you can often see your own experiences anew. Reminds me of a friend of mine... when she learned I was having a second set of twins she said "Four babies and only having to be pregnant TWICE, oh wow are you lucky!". Before she said this I had been feeling overwhelmed and frightened. Hearing her naive perspective on pregnancy and childbirth made me laugh! She was right, I hate being pregnant! If I could have four healthy children but only endure pregnancy two times, I would choose twins.

Yesterday, when it was time for Lucas and Tilly to go down for their nap, we were walking down the hall together to wash our hands and faces. Both of them now exhibit a "happy run"- its the sweetest combination fast walk and skip. They look side to side the entire time, trying to see if there is anything they could grab in a hurry before nap. Lucas, in particular, keeps a pile of "sticks" he has collected from our front yard outside under the settee in the foyer. He often will stoop and try to grab one before jaunting toward the bathroom yelling "Stick! Stick!". I was watching them and it dawned on me how they have become the tiniest, sweetest, most charming people I know- my favorite people in the world. To be able to watch them blossom, to be able to experience their unique personalities and gifts...four very different children.

Its difficult for me to see such sweet dispositions and experience such joy and define my daily life as hard. I would prefer to say my life is rewarding.

Banana Cake and weekend outings alone

I wonder why I didn't order a large print of that one? Thats her "Franken-Tilly" look. She gives it all the time.

I awoke to a bowl of over ripened bananas on the kitchen counter. Where as other fruit over ripening is a sad frown upon our wastefulness, over ripe bananas mean only one thing. GRANDMAS BANANA CAKE! So, while all the babies were napping, I made a quick cake and now Lucas and Matilda are happily running around the playroom with their small slices clutched in sticky little hands. Its sort of like velcro- their fingers- only its flavored with jam and butter. :-)

Yesterday, I took a book to Starbucks and spent three hours reading. The book was "The Highland Fling Murders" by "Jessica Fletcher" (Donald Bain). Right now I depend upon reading to keep my 'little gray cells', as Poirot would say, from deterioration into baby wipe residue. I read every night from 9 until 10 p.m., then happily slumber until the entire baby routine begins around 7 a.m. the following morning. I haven't seen a television show in over a year that was geared toward anyone above the age of 3, I am completely behind on current events (for a brief moment over the weekend when I saw someone with a sports Jersey that said "OBAMA 08" I wondered if he played for the Atlanta Falcons before remembering the heated primary), I don't know a single song composer whose currently in the top 40 and have no clue whats playing at the box office. I am like a "time capsule" from 2006. People could interview me to find out what 2006 was like, since most everyone else has forgot it already. This isn't as bad as a friend of mine whose hairstyle is a time capsule from 1985. And the weird thing is she is too young to have actually worn that hair style in 1985, so its something she discovered years past the styles prime and adopted for herself anew.

But, I will not sacrifice my "me time" which for me is a murder mystery- favorites in the cozy theme- and a quiet corner. I have been reading Agatha Christie, Rex Stout, and Donald Bain of late. I found just such a comfy chair Saturday and spent three hours engrossed in a light fun book with a character I am attached to from television viewing (when I had that). I have been over my days of reading Vonnegut while in a state of perpetual mourning for years and rather enjoy being swept in something fun and only slightly spooky. Hey, if its not "Mrs. Wishy Washy" I consider it Pulitzer material.

So back to my comfy chair... apparently the comfy chairs in Starbucks are viewed as "couples only" chairs and no one would occupy the one next to me. Either that, or I smelled like baby formula. Not having to SHARE my corner meant I could completely curl up sideways in the chair and let my ankles drape over the arm of the opposite side. I had one entire alcove to myself. Every once in awhile a couple would walk over and stare at me for a moment, perhaps wondering how long I would be claiming ownership of the "comfy chair corner". I wanted to yell "Take your expensive coffee and get a room!". Hee, hee. Another young man sat beside me briefly with his laptop and kept eying me in a most conspicuous fashion and I suspect he wanted me to make eye contact so he could then ask how long I would be hoarding the mate to his comfy chair. Poor fella, I outlasted him, too. When his lunch companion arrived, he cocked his head toward me and rolled his eyes and said "Lets find a secluded corner" and they walked away discussing their upcoming power point lecture. Hmpfh! As if I would be insulted by his snide little stare and purposefully loud annoyment. On the contrary, it just made me appreciate my comfy chair all the more, so I sat my book on it and went and purchased a second over priced beverage to savour while staking my claim to it. I may ask if I can rent this chair every Sunday afternoon from 1 until 4 o'clock. What I drank was some sort of apple cider with caramel, whipped cream, and cinnamon that tasted like a warm apple pie and came in at 470 calories. *That* part, thank goodness, I didn't learn until at home or I may have suffered from an imagined sense of bloat at having downed it so quickly. Not knowing how sugary it was (in a caloric sense) just made the afternoon all the sweeter itself.

OK, Lucas and Tilly finished their cake and Matilda asked me if they could "Scribble". I am right here outside their playroom, so I can enjoy their company and catch up on my blog at the same time. I gave her several color safe markers and two sheets from their coloring book. And now the entire back wall of their playroom is decorated with multiple colors and I snapped a picture of her with a silly expression that says "Uh Oh!" that I will update this entry with sometime in the course of the week. :-) Lucas, on the other hand, now has two green feet.

Here is my grandmas cake, and a picture of my current favorite sleuth:

Maw Maw's Banana Cake

2/3 cup butter
1 1/2 cups sugar
2 eggs
2 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking soda ("sodie" as my grandma would say)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup mashed bananas (we use FOUR)
1 teaspoon vanilla

As with all grandma cakes, there isn't any whipping the sugar and cream together, or sifting the flour. Just combine and pour into a 9 by 13 pan and bake it at 350 for about 25-30 minutes.