Matilda can be vain

I bought this little playschool vanity at a yard sale last year for 2.00. It is Lucas and Matilda's favorite piece of kiddie "furniture" although Tilly appreciates it the most. She visits it and practices her facial expressions, has conversations with herself, pretends to be "momma" and barks orders at her brother, and grooms in front of it. I thought I would share these pictures I took in sequences a couple weeks ago.







Of course Lucas can be a ham, too- but he is usually darting from the camera. Here is Lucas wearing his monkey beads.



And sometimes Matilda can be serious. She has such a pretty little face!



Everything with us and the kids is wonderful. They are all good children, and even when they are cranky they are easily soothed and quickly return to joy. They certainly have some limitations that other children don't have, and their patience through this has been astounding. While we make an effort to take them places every weekend and be sure they get to socialize and be out of doors, during the week this is very difficult for me and we still spend most of our time in the playroom. I just don't know how to juggle four children so close in age with such different needs by myself. Lucas and Matilda are very independent and they run, climb and play. Ewan and Rowan are cruising and crawling. We were invited to a party of a friends twins two weeks ago, and the only way I could manage it was the moms of older kids there helped me. Two of them were holding Ewan and Rowan at all times, and I chased after Lucas and Tilly- following them in and out of "bounce houses" and carrying them up the slide. Matilda in particular was shy and wouldn't investigate the play area at first without me holding her hand. Eventually she was more comfortable which was just in time for me to save a friend from Rowan's screams. He was having social anxiety and missing his momma who he could see ut not reach from someone elses arms. The kids all had a good time, but I felt completely wiped out. So worth it to see them have such fun, and so worth it to get a good nights rest for all of us that evening, but without any help, it leaves me at a loss to regularly let them have adventures like this. We have invited my husbands mother to the park with us several weekends and she has refused to go. The last time we went to the park, we went to one with a fence and I chased Lucas and Tilly and tried to get them to stay together, and Duane sat on a blanket and entertained Ewan and Rowan.

All the women I know in situations like we are either have an au pair, a mothers helper, or good quality family help. We live 7 hours from my family. I won't go into my husbands family just yet... I just grieve a bit for my kids... I know that as they age they will love having siblings in such close proximity and our holidays will be fun. But I think their memories of their early childhood will be the playroom walls. At least it won't be television. We do limit their television viewing!

I am sorry if I am being a little down today. We just canceled a vacation we had been looking forward to for months. I am very sad about it, but more sad about the state of my husbands relationships as well as mine with his family. To be honest, there isn't a relationship. We live inside a hornets nest.

The only safe way to be inside a hornets nest is to lay perfectly still while the bees buzz around you and try to keep even your breath slow and methodical. I haven't done a very good job at this. I find I hold my breath as long as I can, and then I sigh loudly, or inhale sharply and am stung again.

All I can do is my best. I am tired of bee stings. From now on, we are going to be on our own. We've been on our own for sometime anyhow, but now this is a declaration of it.

I hope the rest of you are well and happy and enjoying summer!

Keep a good thought for us!