ob appointment

I had my 36 week ob appointment yesterday... they put me on the tokos monitor and I was having ZERO irritability or contractions. I mean this- NADA. I had stronger contractions last week and in the L&D. Heck, stronger contractions at 19 weeks last pregnancy! I am a little confused... also, the last two nights I have been doing aerobics. Duane leaves the room, I think its frightening. Ha, ha. I have all this energy and feel great so everyone thinks I am nesting for real, but, I am only 1 cm dilated and nothing is progressing... I am just enjoying having this splurt of energy for whatever it means or is worth as I have felt immobile for the longest time and I am the type of person who when having to give up their control and rely on others feels depressed with the degree of helplessness that I experience.

The ob was a bit peeved that L&D tried to talk me into a vbac. She said that had they succeeded, she would of spent the next hour talking me back out of it. She said that my uterus is already stretched further than last pregnancy, and that rupture was a real concern and wasn't necessarily associated with the length or strength of labor and having babies at the right station didn't mean it wouldn't happen if I was allowed to labor. It didn't help that my c-section hot spots and my scar have been hurting me lately. If it increases or becomes stronger, she said I am to report to L&D ASAP and they would be sectioning me immediately.

I owe some thank yous- first to the lovely bloggers who have been following my pregnancy and sending me the nicest comments of support even though I have not been keeping up with others blogs as well as I would like.

To Heidi who sent me the most thoughtful and adorable baby gifts- little Dutch onesies! They are so cute, and my husband loved them, too!

And to Genevieve for creating the "Nice Matters" award which I received from her as well as some of my other favorite bloggers. I am supposed to pass this along to seven people, and I feel *guilty* just choosing 7 because IMO EVERYONE I have met since beginning to blog has been NICE and I am afraid I would leave someone out. So, I am going to be a bit rebellious and say that EVERYONE is nice, and that anyone visiting my blog should embrace this award and all that it means to be compassionate, kind, and well.... nice!

nesting and ready for babies!

Well, we had a false alarm on Thursday and I was soooooo embarrassed. Called my MIL, had baby sitters here, and lugged my suitcase over to the hospital thinking I was in labor. They put me on the Tokos and said "You are in PAIN?" I turned to look at it and it wasn't even spiking above 25!!!

Last time, I just woke up in the middle of night, turned to Duane and said "It's time". Now here I am in a second pregnancy and running to the L&D for uterine crankiness. Hee, hee. However, I did get a plausible response for all my issues to date- when the doctor checked my cervix she was surprised to find Twin A at "+2 Station". This is normally associated with being *more* than 5 cm dilated and in very active labor, though I am only fingertip dilated, 70% effaced and not in labor. She said all the downward pressure and the pubic diastasis has made for very painful uterine cramping- though its not laborious. They gave me a shot of terbutaline to see if it would halt the contractions and it did for an hour and then they came back. However, the L&D bed had a "pillow" you could fluff up under your bottom and it pushed the baby back to station +1 for the time I was in the hospital and that felt soooooo good! The baby dropped back to station +2 as soon as I stood up. Hmpfh!

And then comes the dilemma... my last pregnancy was a c-section- mandated because of the fact that Lucas was deemed having "intrauterine growth restriction" in the womb- a condition that means that for some reason the babies abdomen isn't maturing properly and growing at the rate the rest of the body is, and is often associated with a placenta dying off. On top of that, he had an irregular heartbeat. So, it was agreed by all that he not be made to go through the rigors of labor and I had a c-section. Once he was born, we realized that he was fine... he's just built like his daddy- lanky! Ha! And to be even more honest here... I wasn't thrilled about the prospect of two labors in one day as sometimes there is a several hour gap in delivering twins and with Tilly not being engaged that was a possibility. EEEEK! Plus... I am a wimp. There, I said it. I get horrified just watching birthing shows, and often my face turns bright pink when viewing them.

So, this pregnancy we were told from the start that because of the proximity of my last pregnancy VBAC was )O-U-T and we would be having another c-section to avoid the possibility of uterine rupture on scar tissue that may have not properly healed from the last section. And we have stuck with this the entire time... but here we are 2 weeks before my scheduled c-section and the Doctor on call from my practice shakes her head when she finds out we are having a c-section. When she left I asked the nurse why, and she said that I was an L&D dream come true with two babies engaged and one already at +2 station. That I would have a practically painless quick delivery with how separated by pubic bones are, with the fact that I do not carry large twins. Both my mother and sister had natural deliveries (no pain meds) and it seems to run in our family that we have this pubic diastasis. So, there may be some truth in this.

ACK!!!

Duane freaked and said there was no way he would want me doing VBAC, that YES twin A might be a quick delivery, but there was nothing preventing twin B from turning afterwards and going breech and my winding up with two deliveries- one vaginal, one section. The truth is, only 15% of twin deliveries wind up being one vaginal and one c-section, but the prospect isn't very exciting! I then spoke to my mother and she also freaked and said to stay with the surgery. Duane said if I were carrying a singleton I would have his full support, but with twins he wanted to obide by the original recommendation. We both did alot of research last pregnancy and did read that with twins a c-section is safer for Baby B. That while Baby A seems to not have any increased risks, its hard for Baby B to go through the rigors of labor- twice. Once for the birth of their sibling, then for their own birth. Duane reminded me of this as well.

It just seems like such a waste to have a body that is actually prepared for an easy delivery, and still have the section. One of my friends is an L&D nurse and she emailed me this morning and concurred with the L&D physician on call that this would be a very easy delivery. Ack. I am just as wimpy as before, but just thinking that a vaginal recovery would be sooooo much easier than a c-section when I have babies at home already to care for. This is what my friend said as well. Her twins were sectioned. I will talk to my doctor tomorrow and get her thoughts...

Here is the remodeled guest room- you can see the little twins cribs up under the window. Lots of sunshine for the wee ones!



This is me at 34 weeks at my shower. My friend Tonya made the diaper cake. Isn't it cute? I had a difficult time finding an outfit to fit for the shower... I tend to stay in maternity dresses to keep anything from touching my abdomen, but, I also need to sit with my legs up ("Indian Style") to keep weight off my pelvis and thats much easier in pants. I wound up wearing a set of brown capris that I really have outgrown, and this blouse which my tummy hung out the bottom of. And everyone keeps saying how small I am. Well, small everywhere but my abdomen! Its huge!



I have been cleaning like mad and have had a burst of energy, so now Duane can't sleep at night thinking its the "Calm before the storm". I don't know if I am nesting officially or not- theres so much that needs to get done!

I am going to try and catch up on blogs today, I sure have missed everyones entries!

One year...

Its hard to believe that an entire year has passed since I gave birth to Lucas and Matilda. They were so tiny, so sweet... When I received the babycenter newsletter calling them TODDLERS I burst into tears. They are still *my* BABIES.



This was taken in the hospital. The nurse said they kept turning Lucas to his left side for better digestion after feeding, but he would flip back toward his sister. We use this picture on their birth announcements.



Here they are this past week, at one year old.

Lucas, you are such a sweet little guy. You laugh wholeheartedly at the goofiest things. Daddy faking hiccups sends you into guffaws. You are patient and gentle, except when sissy has a toy you want. Your current fascination is watching things bounce, which at 3:30 in the morning can be frustrating to your mommy and daddy whose responsibility it is to retrieve the bounced paci on the floor. You like to dance to Mickey Mouse, but are afraid of Ratatouie. You knit your little brow together the same way mommy does- we call it your "botox brow". Your curiosity leads everyone around you to liken you to a baby genius, but what mommy and daddy love best is your hugs and gentle temperament. You have daddys personality, and mommies facial features. You captured my heart the moment I first held you.

Matilda, you are the little girl mommy dreamed of as a child. You have mommies temperament- stubborn, temperamental, and so sensitive. You are affectionate and have the most invasive smile I ever knew of. You are so happy in the mornings to see mommy and daddy that you are giddy with glee, and squeal at the top of your lungs- often causing momentarily deafness! You have the most beautiful eyes mommy ever saw, and daddys funny little smirks. Everyone says you have daddy wrapped around your little finger- and they are right! You love to look at the embroidery on your dresses and think mommies hair is for climbing. You adore your brother and have fun chasing him around the nursery and play yard.

My little babies...

Daddy time!

I snapped some cute pictures of Duane with the babies this weekend. He hasn't had any of him taken with them in sometime... its amazing how much they have grown.



Here are all three of them watching Mickey Mouse.



Lucas was very intent about this episode. Hee, hee.



Tilly has a new hairdo!!! I became tired of constantly sweeping her "comb over" out of her eyes and over the course of three days, worked on giving her bangs. Its very flattering on her little face and she seems much more comfortable!

I will be adding to this entry throughout the day- I am a bit busy and having trouble sitting down to compose one entry. Also, check out the jumping video below. I hope to visit everyones blogs today and catch up as well.

OK, I am back- at 11:00 p.m.

I have a condition called "pubic symphosis diastasis". It basically means that the cartilage that holds the pelvic bones together tears and separates when I am pregnant. It makes it difficult to move- walking, stair climbing etc. I had it somewhat last pregnancy, but this time its horrid. Yesterday I became "stuck" in the kitchen when moving from one side to the other. All at once my pelvis just stopped working. I dragged myself into the living room and this amount of movement made me feel like my groin was on fire. I sat down to take the weight off my groin, and then was fine. Tonight I needed Duane to lift my leg to help me turn in bed- same thing, pelvis felt "locked". I no longer can lift my legs when I walk, I just shuffle along with a wide gait. Anyhow, this is making me quite irritable and I feel helpless. Why can't I just get hemorrhoids like everyone else? Ha, ha. It might not be so bad if I weren't such a control freak and could clean this house. I hate depending upon Duane... he is so sweet to do it, but darn it, I want it done my way not anyone elses way, and yet I know I need to be gracious and let him do things the best he can.

I am up right now because all that turning in bed trying to get my leg on my body pillow gave me reflux. Hmpfh!

OK, thats my pregnancy whine. I am now 33 weeks 1 day. Hey, I have done great! bng

jump!

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Just baby pictures...

My husband often looks at my blog at work when he feels homesick. So, here are a few recent pictures for him, and everyone else.



Lucas has been the camera ham lately, so it was nice to get a good serious shot of him.



I was looking through the images I had taken and noticed Tilly was looking at the images, too. I quickly turned the camera around and without even knowing where the lens was focused, captured this. Its very sweet how she is leaning on my shoulder, isn't it?



These clear stacked drawers hold toys. Thats why Lucas has his faced smooshed up against one of them!



While taking the serious picture of Lucas, Tilly decided to have her first go and CLIMBING. UGH, ugh, ugh.

My peri report was good. The doctor referred to the little twins as "magnificent" and "gorgeous". They currently are just shy of 4 pounds each. No wonder I feel so bad!!!
I am run down and seriously exhausted. Duane is such a sweetie- he went by Whole Foods on his way home from work and bought me 15 dollars worth of berries. He knows I am a penny pincher and buy my fruit at walmart even when it doesn't look very pretty! It was nice to have some fresh tasting berries instead. Too bad they won't last!

I made a zuchini bread last night with some zuchini from my mother in laws garden. Yummy. That won't last, either!

Thanks for visiting me... I am still working on catching up with everyone else. I miss looking at everyones blogs in a leisurely fashion!

lunch

Following my ob appointment yesterday, I realized that I was heading home an hour earlier than my mother in law anticipated. I called and asked if she would mind if I stopped and enjoyed lunch somewhere before coming home. The big twins are dealing with separation anxiety at the moment and my meals are quickly scarfed down and sometimes I can't even remember what I ate for having consumed it in such haste!

I have previously mentioned that growing up we moved very frequently. Lunch was a painful reminder of this. Unless I shared the class previous to lunch with a new friend, I usually spent lunch time in line scouring the cafeteria for someone I knew to sit with. On more than one occasion I tossed my entire tray into the garbage because I hadn't seen one friendly face in the crowd of people I looked outward on, or when I found them, a seat which had been reserved for a new friend. The prospect of sitting alone frightened me. High School is definitely a time in everyones life where introversion and independence are scoffed at. The goal is to be like everyone else. And for the shy, to blend in and not attract notice. Sitting alone attracted notice. And a food tray shared with a friend just tasted better.

How much more wonderful then it was to have found several years ago that eating alone *is* sharing lunch with a friend. A time for introspection, to daydream, to savor- foods, thoughts, quiet time.

Yesterday I had lunch at Panera Bread. I had a yummy Mediterranean Veggie sandwich- minus the feta cheese, add avocado. A cup of their broccoli and cheddar soup, a bowl of fresh fruits, and a delicious frozen caramel coffee drink topped with whipped cream and chocolate syrup- my beverage *and* dessert!

I chose a nice comfy booth in the center of the restaurant, yet the booth enclosure made it somewhat private for me.

I did savor this time- the smells, the tastes, the sounds. The pungent smell of expresso contrasted with the warm tomato basil bread my sandwich was served on. The flavorful crisp sweet peppers they topped my sandwich with and the sliced hass avocado- my favorite variety. The texture of the porcelain bowl my soup was served in was appreciated- how nice to find something so pretty instead of styrofoam. The fact that they serve with sterling utensils instead of sterile wrapped plastic throwaways. The sounds of conversation all around me, of dishs clanging in the kitchen and camaraderie among co-workers.

Since I do not have many stolen moments as a mother to babies and expectant mother to babies, none of this was lost on me. I took my time enjoying each bite, and allowing it to be distinguished in my mouth from the tastes and textures of my other foods. I didn't gulp down my coffee, I let it linger on my tongue and enjoyed the sweet mixed with bitter flavors, and the chill of it. Can you believe I felt spoiled?

And once having finished, I went to eavesdropping on the lives of those around me. Had I the idle time, this would be a favorite past time for me. I enjoy having a birds eye view on the lives of outsiders, and quietly taking in their lives for my own interpretation and review. People are my favorite mystery to unravel.

My favorite group there was a family. Grandparents, their adult daughter and her husband and their granddaughter. Of all the people there, they seemed to most grasp the idea of lunch as pleasure. The people directly around me did not enjoy their foods and I hardly imagine they stopped to even taste them- they seemed stressed, not relaxed or even comfortable. Their time was spent occupied on their cellphones from the moment they sat down with their tray to the moment they walked back out the door. How did we become so addicted to this technology that it invades every inch of our space? My sister in law recently returned from Europe and she said it was refreshing to find that the locals turned off their cell phones in restaurants. But here a cellphone is treated as an emergency pager. At any moment a S.O.S. may come through it from your boss about dire work matters, your mother about your fathers health, or a best friend about her husband. All subjects of VITAL importance which are physically identified with "Do Not Miss" ring tones. Those who weren't occupied with conversation stared at their phone as if awaiting interruption, or perhaps feeling lonely without something attached to their ear. Two females sat across from me with their phones opened up beside their plates as if they were an extra food utensil awaiting use. Several were there with laptops, including a male and female who appeared to be somewhat romantically involved but who chose to sit at adjacent tables to allow for more space for their personal computers rather than interaction with the other. Really, Panera Bread isn't inexpensive, if you want to consume food while you use your cellphones and laptop- making those the priority, why not just select MacDonalds? Why sit down in a restaurant at all? Why not just eat at your office cubicle?

But the family I enjoyed. The grandfather wore his sunglasses through the meal, so perhaps he had glaucoma. He was engaged in a funny story with his son in law that made him laugh and smile widely. His son in law leaned in to hear the story better. The daughter helped her mother back to the counter and they spent a long time pouring over the dessert menu together. And the granddaughter- who appeared to be around 5 years old- rattled on the entire meal to an imaginary play friend. She laughed and sighed to herself, and spent much time going into important details of her story with an invisible audience. She was a very content child and it gave me pleasure to observe her.

After awhile, I just closed my eyes and leaned my head back for a moment. Then tidied up to leave. An hour well spent. An hour for lunch! The nice family was still there when I left. How nice that even the clock didn't seem to interupt their afternoon together.

My OB report was excellent barring nay complications the peri finds today via ultrasound. I wish I were to have lunch again today- by myself, celebrating this time with the little twins safely tucked inutero- but I may appreciate it less if it weren't a special occasion as it is now. Though I would hope not.