When?

(will update with pictures later)

When did Lucas and Tilly become children? When did they stop being babies? I realized the other morning when I went to wake them up, that they reacted like children. Sprawling in their toddler bed, yawning, sighing, turning their backs to me to cuddle down into their blankets for another five minutes. I didn't notice it at first. They've been greeting me like this for sometime, I would imagine. I noticed it when I went into Ewan and Rowans room, and they greeted me like *babies*. Smiling in their cribs at me, jumping up and down, yelling "mommy", saying "chickie" (Ewan has bonded with a Christmas Chicken that sings). I leaned in and Rowan smoothered me with kisses/ Ewan squealed.

I stopped and contrasted this behavior. These two sets of twins are only one year apart... when did the change happen? When did Lucas and Tilly stop smiling, squealing and greeting me as if I were their most favorite person in the world? When did they stop acting like I brought sunshine into their rooms, and instead react as if I was a nuisance waking them from good dreams?

They are only a year apart, and Ewan and Rowan are still smiling. So it must have been sometime between 2 years and 3 years. How I wish I had known that last morning- for their must have been a last morning- that they wouldn't smile at me again. If I had of known that they would not smile, squeal, call out "mommy" and kiss me, how I would have treasured that last morning, how I would of held on to them a little longer, and savored how warm my heart felt. And how I miss that moment now that its gone. I can still picture them, smiling and giggling and squealing at me. It is so sad that they have stopped.

So, I took pictures of Ewan and Rowan smiling at me the other day. I'll add them soon. And every morning when I enter their room, I stop for a moment and just *sink*. Sink a little further into myself, and allow my heart to swell a little. I kiss them a little longer before letting them go, and hold them a little longer before setting them down. I treat every morning as if it might be the last morning that I will be greeted with smiles, squeals and kisses.